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Dear Jean,
I am in a dilemma about how I am to continue to love someone who continues to make some very bad choices for her life. My friend is pregnant (due date is mid May) and living with her physically violent husband.
I told my friend that she could call me if she needed help. Well, a few days ago she called at 4:30 AM. She had run out of her apartment because her boyfriend was high on drugs and getting violent with her. I'm a single mother and I packed up my girls and drove over to my friend's place to see if I could help. When I got there, she decided not to come home with me and went back into the apartment with her husband who was strung out on acid at the time.
My friend made a confession for Christ over a year ago, but has remained in this relationship. She has a long history of making very poor choices. I'm confused about what the loving, Christ-like thing to do is in a situation like this. I need some guidance.
Signed,
Confused about what to do
Dear Confused,
First, seek wisdom. I suggest that you read, meditate and pray through Proverbs 2:1-15 and 10:8, 17, and 23. From your letter, there is no evidence that your friend is willing to receive instruction or correction into her life at this time. Until she is, she will bring ruin on herself. Proverbs 10:23 says, "a fool finds pleasure in evil conduct." Does this sound familiar? Your friend, in some strange and convoluted way, is receiving some form of gratification from staying with this abusive man. Proverbs 19:19 says, " A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again." This man is not going to change without paying some serious consequences.
Also, it is not safe for you and/or your children to be going over to her house at 4:30 AM in the midst of a domestic dispute. If you do not set good boundaries for yourself, it is quite likely that you will get caught up in their whirlwind of chaos and destruction. This would be very unhealthy for you and your little ones, so consider the safety of yourself and your own children first. Proverbs 2:11-12 says, "Discretion will protect you . . . wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men." People in domestic violence situations, especially where drugs are involved, are not rational, safe or healthy people. You must act with the utmost wisdom and discretion. There are however, people equipped and ready to help people in situations like this. If your friend calls again during a domestic violence crisis tell her to call 911. If she is unwilling to do that, then you hang up and call 911 yourself. Be prepared to explain the situation and to give your friend's name, address and phone number to the dispatcher.
In Matthew 18:6 Jesus gave a stern warning to those who would harm a little child. Proverbs 24:11 exhorts us to, "rescue those being led away to death." I urge you to turn your concern towards this unborn baby. This baby is a victim of her mother and father. She is a victim of child abuse. This child is highly at risk of injury or even death if she stays in this environment. Please consider contacting some resources in your area, i.e. a domestic violence shelter or a crisis pregnancy center to see what help is available. I would suggest, after much prayer and discussion, that you and some other of her concerned friends and/or relatives, set up a time to meet with your friend, away from her home, without her husband, and state your concerns clearly and frankly. Tell her the options available. Explain the danger her child is in as long as she stays in that environment: injury, delayed development, emotional problems, becoming a ward of the state or possibly death. You could also call the 1-800 abuse hotline in your area to see if they will respond to the needs of a pre-born child, where the father has been physically violent towards the mother during the pregnancy. You can find the number in the front of your telephone book. In Florida the number is 1-800-962-2873.
Love in this situation is expressed in your willingness to respond to your friend when she is ready to receive help, to seek intervention for the baby, to place your hope and faith in the Lord on her behalf, and to intercede through prayer for the situation (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). I am specifically asking for all ChristianDiscipleship.com readers to pray for the welfare of this unborn child. Let us pray for a mighty intervention from the Lord. Please let me know what happens.
In His Service,
Jean
Jean has nine years of counseling experience and is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in her own private practice in Palm Bay, Florida. You may contact Jean at (321) 720-8878 for more information about her counseling services and speaking engagements.
