I was born February 2, 1976 into a Romanian Orthodox family. I was the second of three children. For some reason my parents concentrated their love on my two brothers and consequently I felt unwanted. I felt I was an outcast in my own family. I felt like I was the one who brought problems into my family. As a child I was very troubled and often woke up crying at night.

Since I can remember, I harbored many fears. I was scared of the dark, of people surrounding me, and of dying. I also had difficulty learning in school and had trouble being obedient and for these things my parents were ashamed of me. My parents tried everything they knew to comfort me. They tried to calm me down with words of comfort, and also with slapping. Unfortunately, they only succeeded to alienate me and I started to steal valuable things, money from my parents and others. I always had lies in my thoughts and fought with other children, all of which led to more quarrelling in my family.

I will never forget when I was 7 years old and my mum brought me to a witch and asked her to do some charms on me. That was something to remember. My mother, who was very superstitious, thought that this witch might be able to help me. At first my behavior improved, but then it got worse than ever. Now I only had desires to do bad things: to lie, to kill and to hate. I hated God, others and myself. My friends told me that I was crazy and had problems with my mind.

I finished elementary school in 1990 and the first day of High School was the beginning of the darkest time in my life.

When I was fourteen, I began to smoke and I was a member of a rock gang, interested only in drugs, women and drinking. Hungry for making myself respected, I allowed Satan to become my master through a ritual. I could see Satan and I worshiped him every day. I became a spiritual medium and was contacted by friends and other people who wanted to talk to spirits. I did whatever Satan wanted me to do. I even broke glasses and windows. My prayers were lyrics from the rock bands. These influences drew me close to suicide. In fact, I tried to commit suicide numerous times, but every time I tried there was a presence who stopped me.

Despite this presence in my life that kept me from killing myself, there was an ever-present man dressed in black who followed me every day. He gave me orders and became more and more angry. I was the only one who could see him, and when I spoke to the people around me, they said I was getting even crazier.

Something strange was happening in my life. I became more rebellious than ever. I cursed God with a strength I had never had before. But at the same time, deep down inside of me, I wanted a change.

Though my heart said, "it is not good what you are doing", I continued to take drugs, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol and saw my bad wishes became true in the smallest details. All the while, I had a neighbor who believed in Jesus and who never stopped praying for me. I found this out after I turned my life over to Christ.

Copyright © 2001 Andrei Secreneau